Funny wedding quotes turn an already beautiful day into one nobody forgets. Whether you need the perfect line for a wedding toast, a card, or a caption — this list has you covered.
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Table of Contents
Funny Wedding Quotes From Famous Comedians and Celebrities
The most hilarious wedding quotes often come from people who experienced marriage firsthand. These celebrity one-liners are sharp, real, and absolutely shareable. If you want to read The Funniest Daily Quotes then visit this site.
“Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one. — Mae West”
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. — Rita Rudner”
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? — Groucho Marx”
“Before you marry a person, make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are. — Will Ferrell”
“I married for love, but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored. — Cameron Esposito”
“One key to a successful marriage? Separate bathrooms. — Michelle Obama”
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards. — Benjamin Franklin”
“The secret to a good marriage is to be a little deaf. — Ruth Bader Ginsburg”
“To keep your marriage brimming with love, whenever you are wrong, admit it. Whenever you are right, shut up. — Ogden Nash”
“Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and one who never forgets them. — Ogden Nash”
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit. — Katharine Hepburn”
“It is wonderful to be married to an archaeologist. The older you get, the more interested he is in you. — Agatha Christie”
“My most brilliant achievement was persuading my wife to marry me. — Winston Churchill”
“The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing and then marry him. — Cher”
“Who won in life? Me. Because I got to marry you. — Chip Gaines”
“Michelle upgraded me, just like Beyoncé says in that song, Let me upgrade ya! — Barack Obama”
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. — Mignon McLaughlin”
“Love is blind. Marriage is the eye-opener. — Pauline Thomason”
“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you will be happy. If you get a bad one, you will become a philosopher. — Socrates”
“Love is a lot like a backache. It does not show up on X-rays, but you know it is there. — George Burns”
“If you can stay in love for more than two years, you are on something. — Fran Lebowitz”
“A marriage is always made up of two people prepared to swear that only the other one snores. — Terry Pratchett”
“Make sure you have date night even if it is once in a blue moon, because most of the time you are just too tired and would actually prefer to sleep. — Chris Hemsworth”
“For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have their own bathroom. The end. — Catherine Zeta-Jones”
“Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how ridiculous their problems sound to you. — Megan Mullally”
“A good friend told me the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked. — LeAnn Rimes”
“We are all a little weird. When we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we call it love. — Robert Fulghum”
Funny Wedding Quotes From Movies, TV Shows and Books
Funny wedding lines from pop culture hit home because they feel like real life. These quotes from your favorite screens and pages perfectly capture the chaos and joy of getting married. If you want to read April Fool’s Day Funny Jokes then visit this site.
“The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty — the right person still thinks the sun shines out of your face. — Juno”
“Look, you want to know what marriage is really like? Fine. You wake up, she is there. You come back from work, she is there. You fall asleep, she is there. And you know what? It is not a bad thing. — Everybody Loves Raymond”
“Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, except it does not last 22 minutes. It lasts forever. — Knocked Up”
“She is your lobster. Lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You can actually see old lobster couples walking around holding claws. — Friends”
“Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch. I think you two are gold medals. — The Office”
“After a while, you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh. — Sex and the City”
“I am not a smart man, but I know what love is. — Forrest Gump”
“Remember, we are madly in love, so it is alright to kiss me anytime you feel like it. — The Hunger Games”
“I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love everything ridiculous and wonderful about you. — When Harry Met Sally”
“Honestly, if you are not willing to sound stupid, you do not deserve to be in love. — A Lot Like Love”
“The first draft of my vows clocked in at around 70 pages. I cut it down for everyone’s sake. — Parks and Recreation”
“If you are ever with someone who is too good for you, marry them. — Valentine’s Day”
“I am looking for someone to share in an adventure I am arranging. It is very difficult to find anyone these days. — J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit”
“You know your voice is kind of nice when your mouth is not screwing it up. And your looks are kind of pretty when your face is not screwing it up. — The Goonies”
“I think anybody who falls in love is a freak. It is a crazy thing to do. It is a form of socially acceptable insanity. — Her”
“A wedding marks the first day of the rest of your life. You have been dead until now. — Bride Wars”
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now change your Facebook status. — Unknown”
“But the thing is, after a while you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh. — Sex and the City”
“If you are thinking of getting married, you might as well learn right now that you have to let women be women. — Hello, Dolly!”
“I want to hear that you two watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one of you got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if anyone watches it alone, they are dead meat. — Mindy Kaling”
“Marriage is like a graph. It has its ups and downs, and as long as things bounce back up, you have got a good marriage. — Julie Andrews”
“I love you. That is why I make you miserable. — Real Women Have Curves”
“When you love someone as much as I love you, getting married is the only thing left to do. — Definitely, Maybe”
Funny Wedding Quotes for Toasts, Cards and Captions
This is the section competitors missed. Knowing a funny quote is one thing — knowing where to use it is another. These are organized so you can copy and paste them straight into your toast, card, or caption right now.
For your best man or maid of honor toast:
“I always thought marriage was about finding the right person. Turns out, it is about being the right person — good luck with that.”
“They say marriage is a workshop. Where the husband works and the wife shops. Congratulations to you both.”
“Before I met my best friend’s partner, I had a speech ready to talk them out of this. Then I met them. Speech cancelled.”
“A great marriage is not about two perfect people. It is about two people who are too lazy to look for anyone better.”
“To the happy couple: may your love be modern enough to survive the times, and old-fashioned enough to last forever.”
“I told them marriage was hard. They told me they had already argued about the thermostat and survived. I said, you are ready.”
“Love is finding that one person you want to drive crazy for the rest of your life. You two are clearly that for each other.”
“They are perfect together. One never remembers anniversaries and the other never forgets them. Balance.”
“Here is to love, laughter, and happily ever after — with someone who has already seen you at your worst and still showed up today.”
“Marriage means committing to someone for better or worse. You have already seen the worse. Today you celebrate the better.”
For funny wedding cards and messages:
“Congratulations! You found your person. Now comes the part where you figure out who controls the remote.”
“Wishing you a lifetime of happiness, and at least one bathroom to yourself.”
“May your love be as endless as your grocery list, and as strong as your WiFi password.”
“Congratulations on finding someone equally as weird as you. That is not easy.”
“Welcome to marriage! A place where the phrase I do becomes I will do it later.”
“They say the first year is the hardest. They also said the same about Mondays. You will be fine.”
“Marriage tip from me to you: never go to bed angry. Stay up and argue properly.”
“May you always find each other funny — especially on the days you find each other absolutely maddening.”
“Congratulations on finding your forever roommate who you actually like.”
“Two imperfect people, one perfect team. Wishing you the very best of both.”
Funny wedding Instagram captions:
“Legally bound to my best friend. Send snacks.”
“I said yes. Now comes the hard part — sharing the blanket forever.”
“Found my person. Keeping them.”
“Married my favorite human. Please clap.”
“We do. Now let us eat.”
“The WiFi password is changing but the love is not.”
“I liked it, so I put a ring on it. Now we share a bathroom.”
“Plot twist: we actually did it.”
“Just married and already arguing about where to eat. Perfect start.”
“Signed the papers. Ate the cake. No regrets.”
Short Funny Wedding Quotes for Every Moment
Short funny wedding quotes are the ones that stick. They fit on signage, slide into speeches, and look perfect on invitations. These are the one-liners and punchy phrases that competitors left off their lists.
Funny one-liners:
“Love is blind. Marriage is a real eye-opener.”
“A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.”
“Marriage: because your annoying habits deserve a lifetime audience.”
“The most important four words in any marriage: I will do it.”
“Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown child.”
“I found my missing piece. Turns out it snores.”
“Soul mate: a person who will point out every single one of your faults — with love.”
“Two people. One Netflix account. This is love.”
“Love is sharing your popcorn. Marriage is pretending you are not annoyed when they eat it all.”
“We go together like coffee and Monday mornings — absolutely necessary.”
For wedding invitations and decor:
“Please join us as we trade our single lives for a joint credit score.”
“Two souls, one shared cheese drawer. Come celebrate.”
“Warning: wedding in progress. Expect happy crying and questionable dancing.”
“We are getting married. Dress nice. Dance badly. Eat everything.”
“Forever starts today. The open bar starts at six.”
“From this day forward, we share a last name, a home, and the wrong side of the bed.”
Funny wedding day quotes for the bride:
“I am not nervous. I am just marrying someone who has seen me ugly-cry and stayed anyway.”
“Today I marry my best friend. Tomorrow we argue about loading the dishwasher correctly.”
“She said yes. He is still in shock.”
“Getting married is the bravest, most ridiculous, most wonderful thing I have ever done.”
Funny wedding day quotes for the groom:
“I had a great speech prepared. Then she walked in and I forgot every word. That is love.”
“I am not losing a bachelor. I am gaining someone to blame when things go missing.”
“I promised to love her in sickness and in health. She promised not to say I told you so. We are even.”
“Best decision I ever made. Second best decision: not telling her that for at least a week.”
FAQs
What are the funniest wedding quotes of all time?
Some of the most iconic funny wedding quotes come from Mae West, Rita Rudner, and Groucho Marx. Mae West’s line about trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one is widely considered one of the sharpest ever written. Rita Rudner’s quote about finding the one person you want to annoy for the rest of your life remains a fan favorite across the USA for toasts and cards alike.
Can I use funny quotes in my wedding vows?
Absolutely. In fact, wedding vows with humor are increasingly popular. According to wedding planning research, over 60% of modern couples now personalize their vows — and many include at least one funny line. The key is to balance humor with sincerity. Open with a laugh, close with something heartfelt. That combination is what makes guests cry and smile at the same time.
What are some funny wedding quotes for a best man speech?
The best best man speech quotes are relatable and roast-light. Avoid anything that embarrasses anyone too deeply. A safe and hilarious approach is to poke fun at the idea of marriage itself rather than the couple. Lines like “Marriage is a workshop — where the husband works and the wife shops” always land well with a USA crowd.
Are funny wedding quotes appropriate for wedding cards?
Yes — funny wedding card messages are one of the most searched-for items before a wedding. Most guests want to say something warm but not too serious. A witty one-liner followed by a genuine wish strikes the perfect tone. Keep it short, keep it kind, and make them laugh first.
What are the best short funny wedding quotes for Instagram captions?
The best funny wedding captions for Instagram are five words or less. Phrases like “Found my person. Keeping them.” or “Just married. No refunds.” get high engagement because they are quick, relatable, and easy to read on a feed. Pair them with a great photo and you have an instant hit.
Where can I find funny wedding quotes that are original and not overused?
The most original funny wedding quotes come from real experience — your own relationship, your inside jokes, your story. But if you need a starting point, quotes from comedians like Mindy Kaling, writers like Ogden Nash, and films like The Office and Friends offer fresh angles that feel personal without being generic.
Conclusion
Funny wedding quotes are more than just laughs. They are the moments people remember long after the flowers fade. Whether you dropped one into a toast, wrote it in a card, or posted it as a caption — humor is what makes a wedding feel real, warm, and human. According to relationship researchers, couples who laugh together report higher marital satisfaction — so starting your marriage with a good joke is genuinely good advice. Save this list, share it with your wedding party, and use it whenever you need a smile on the biggest day of your life.
