100+ Funny Office Quotes to Survive the Workday with Laughter

““Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen”

““The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into a meeting.” — Robert Frost”

““I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates”

““Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold”

““Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen”

““Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” — Robert Orben”

““The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown”

““I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend than be one.” — Clarence Darrow”

““People who never do any more than they get paid for never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard”

““The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.” — Herbert V. Prochnow”

““My keyboard must be broken. Every time I hit the Escape key, I’m still at work.””

““I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.” — Yes, this happens in every office.”

““I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” — Douglas Adams”

““Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet — they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson”

““The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when they fill out a job application.” — Stanley J. Randall”

““Monday is a state of mind. A terrible, terrible state of mind.””

““Dear Monday, I want to break up. I’m seeing Tuesday and dreaming of Friday. Sincerely, Everyone.””

““Monday should be optional.””

““The only good thing about Monday is that it’s proof I survived last week.””

““I haven’t had my coffee yet. Proceed with extreme caution.””

““Technically, the week doesn’t start until I’ve had my second cup.””

““Friday called. She’s on her way. Hold tight.””

““Wednesday: Not close enough to the weekend to celebrate, not far enough from Monday to forget.””

““This meeting could have been an email. This email could have been a text. This text could have been nothing.””

““We need to schedule a meeting to discuss why we have so many meetings.””

““I survived another meeting that should have been an email. Where’s my trophy?””

““At this point, ‘Let’s get everyone in a room’ is my villain origin story.””

““Meetings: where minutes are kept and hours are lost.””

““I have a meeting in five minutes and I have no idea what it’s about. Again.””

““Professionally exhausted. Personally hilarious.””

““Out of office: mentally. Physically: unfortunately still here.””

““Currently doing the work of three people. Please advise.””

““My job is secure. Nobody else wants it.””

““I work well with others when they leave me alone.””

““Bringing my whole self to work. Wish I could leave some of it at home.””

““Teamwork makes the dream work. But so does working alone in silence.””

““I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination.””

““Highly caffeinated. Marginally functional.””

““Not a morning person. Not an afternoon person. Honestly questioning the whole concept of time.””

““Coffee: because adulting is hard.””

““I came. I worked. I needed coffee.””

““World’s okayest employee.””

““Don’t talk to me before this mug is empty.””

““Deadline? You mean suggestion?””

““Adulting: 0 stars. Would not recommend.””

““I’m not lazy. I’m in energy-saving mode.””

““Powered by caffeine and mild panic.””

““My patience is like my laptop battery — it doesn’t last long.””

““I whisper ‘what?’ before answering any question before 10 AM.””

““I don’t have a caffeine problem. I have a ‘without caffeine everything is a problem’ problem.””

““Coffee is my spirit animal, my coping mechanism, and honestly, my personality.””

““Step 1: Coffee. Step 2: Do things. There is no step 3.””

““I drink coffee so I can do the things I said I’d do after coffee.””

““Reply All: the most dangerous button in the history of professional communication.””

““If you hit Reply All on a 47-person email chain, you owe everyone a coffee. That’s the rule.””

““Nothing unites an office faster than someone who keeps hitting Reply All.””

““Let’s take this offline, circle back, loop in the stakeholders, and absolutely never resolve it.””

““Corporate speak translation: ‘Let’s circle back’ means ‘I hope you forget about this.'””

““We’re going to disrupt the synergy of this paradigm shift moving forward. I have no idea what I just said.””

““Please stop saying ‘bandwidth.’ We are humans. We have limits. Not bandwidth.””

““You’re on mute. You’re still on mute. Sir, you have been on mute for four minutes.””

““Remote work taught me I was capable of doing my job in pajamas. Life-changing information.””

““My home office has the best commute. It’s eleven steps from my bed.””

““Working from home means my coworkers are my dog, my couch, and my persistent existential dread.””

““Can everyone see my screen? Great. Can everyone see that I have 47 tabs open? Ignore those.””

““This task is giving me very much ‘I’ll start it after one more YouTube video’ energy.””

““Not me sitting in a meeting taking notes that I will never, ever look at again.””

““The way this deadline thinks it applies to me is honestly delusional.””

““Main character energy? At work? Every single day, whether I like it or not.””

““I’m not quiet quitting. I’m loudly doing exactly what I was hired for and nothing more.””

““That email sent me. I am not okay. Please send snacks.””

““I work best under pressure. So technically, procrastination is just my process.””

““I don’t procrastinate. I do future-me a favor by letting her handle it.””

““Deadline anxiety is just excitement in a trench coat.””

““The project is almost done. It has been ‘almost done’ for six business days.””

““I thrive under pressure. Specifically, the pressure of a deadline that was yesterday.””

““Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” — Don Marquis”

““Nothing increases my productivity like a deadline I’ve already missed.””

““Zoom: where I smile professionally while wearing pajama pants and eating cereal.””

““My work-life balance is: work, work, work, stare at the wall, sleep, repeat.””

““Remote work is great until your dog decides to be the main character during your client call.””

““The commute from my bed to my desk is the only part of remote work I’ve truly mastered.””

““I finally have a work-life balance. My work thinks I’m working. My life thinks I’m living. Nobody knows the truth.””

““Out of office doesn’t mean what it used to. Now it just means I’m online from a different couch.””

““Zoom fatigue is real. I am tired of looking at my own face more than anyone else’s.””

““My productivity peaked the day I moved my desk near the snack cabinet. Science.””

““The printer only jams when you’re already five minutes late. It’s not broken. It’s strategic.””

““There are two types of people in the office: those who steal lunches from the fridge, and liars.””

““I don’t have a work personality. I just have varying levels of caffeination.””

““Find a job you enjoy doing and you will never have to work a day in your life. Or so I’ve heard.” — Mark Twain”

““The secret to having it all is knowing you already do. Also, good snacks in the break room help.””

““If you’re not having fun at work, you’re doing it wrong. Or you work in accounting. Both are valid.””

““Enjoy what you do, do what you enjoy, and always keep snacks nearby. That’s the whole philosophy.””

““The audacity of this inbox to have 47 unread emails on a Monday morning.””

““I’m not burnt out. I’m just resting before I burn out properly.””

““My villain era is just me setting boundaries and calling it personal growth.””

““Corporate asked me where I see myself in five years. Sir, I barely see myself making it to Friday.””

““The difference between try and triumph is a little umph.” — Marvin Phillips”

““Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. Also, coffee. Coffee is a key.” — Albert Schweitzer, partially”

““A diamond is just a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well.””

““Work hard in silence. Let success make the noise. Let your mug say the rest.””